Not that anyone may notice, but I'll be adding a new feature to your favorite blog named after someone that you know whose name is my name too: "Suffer With Me." The title and the concept were both inspired partly by the new AVClub feature "I Watched This On Purpose" and on the Permanent Accusation of Megan that I force her to watch awful movies. Of course, none were EVER so awful as her rental of "Failure to Launch," the standard whereby all bad movies must forevermore be judged (IMDB.com's users' selection of "The Hottie and the Nottie" notwithstanding.)
My initial selection is the truly terrible "Automaton Transfusion," which I watched last night. My expectations were not for the next "Citizen Kane," I just wanted a fun horror film. The verdict? It wasn't fun, it wasn't film (all digital, apparently shot on a Fisher-Price or somebody's digital camera), and it was horrible in a way that I'm pretty sure was unintended. Lots of blood, sure, but I ask for more, and I think I'm entitled.
Basic whatnot: Fast scary zombies manage to verrrrrry slowly take over a jerkwater town somewhere, hours after their initial attack. Our three "heroes" are on their way to the Big City to see a concert that starts at 5:00 in the afternoon, which should have given them some indication as to what kind of show they were going to see. They manage to be about the only people not overrun, drive over an hour to the show, drive over an hour back, and save the moron leader's girlfriend. Army conspiracy, man-made zombies, your dad was involved, cliffhanger ended, blah blah blah. Apparently, the Special Features section contains some brilliant positioning by the filmmakers on how their $30,000 masterpiece should be judged on the basis of its even getting made. And there are morons posting on IMDB that agree with them. I personally recommend postnatal abortions for all of them.
And the best news of all? Sequel is in the works.
All-Time Ranking: Among The Worst Ever
Still All-Time Worst: "Failure to Launch"
Bonus graphic, painstakingly hand-made by me:
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
New Feature: "Suffer With Me"
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1 comment:
i feel that i have been wrongly finger-pointed-at here, people. on account of A) 'failure to launch' being sneaky-shitty, ie no one could have ever predicted how absolutely shitty it would be on cursory movie-jacket glancing alone; and 2) the ratio of crap-movies-i-have-made-mister-jack-watch to crap-movies-mister-jack-has-made-ME-watch is like 1 to a bajillion. 'army of the ants'? 'phantom of the paradise'? i rest my case.
signed, meg 'i will be vindicated' murphy
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